I love smarter because of you
I laugh harder because of you
I sing louder because of you
I see brighter because of you
I am wiser because of you
Okay so my wife’s Best friend is in love with her. I really could give a fuck. Here is the email her wack ass sent me
Wasn’t sure if I was going to even respond to whatever that was or not? Phuck it!
First off hello!!
Secondly, you don’t know me (tread VERY lightly) nor know the full story betwixt JESS and myself. You are going off an amended version of what has and is happening. Do you live here? Been promised everything and none kept? Taken out of your element with little backing? I’m going on 7yrs of us being best friends and before she met you, I didn’t have to worry about this ill side of her. Our friendship was strong, even from afar. Jess, or Kinah as the word wide web may know her, lied, as you pointed out, but she did it and is still doing it A LOT. If you lie, the trust is disrupted correct? You keep giving me a steady diet of it, your word means nothing. I’m going off action until the trust is at least somewhat built up again. So if you label me as your best friend, I expect the best from you. I used to get that from her, until a domineering soul entered in, exploits her inexperience, heart, and kindness with a sideways smile, talk of love/lust, and the illusion that she is a quirky nature peace loving person but it’s full of selfishness, lies, deception, manipuation, and entitlement — the things Jess are trying to embody, living vicariously through you. Oh, don’t think that sideways smile email you sent me fooled me into thinking you are a kind, free spirit soul. If you really were, you wouldn’t have to label YOURSELF that, hence your email name, and free souls are truly that…free. kinda put their fellow man before themselves, at least sometimes. Selfishness, ego, and greed wouldn’t be lying under all the labels you want the world to see you as. Works fine for the more feeble mind, but I’m kinda sharp. You’re not fooling me, never was and never will. You are what I like to call “an asshole with a smile.” You do some f.cked up stuff, but smile to throw off the f.ckery. Like this wedge you have devised. As soon as I come down, you up the ante. (According to her at the time, you were just friends that flirt). She told you not to make her choose and you verbally don’t make her, BUT you make her in other ways. And no doubt, Jess is accountable for her actions. She’s a grown woman. So spending time with me, hinders time with you so what do you do? Your phone supposedly will be turned off every 2 weeks (which it doesn’t..shocker) to make her call you. You cuss her out a few times because, like you even pointed out, she hates confrontation, so you play on it, to make her talk to you and calm you down which takes hours, but takes time away from us. *claps* Bravo! You know she can’t say no to you out of fear, so you use that to your advantage as well. From the tumblr shrine to you needing a label as girlfriend/wife to whatever other attention seeking theatrics you need, it’s not me who needs to scam for attention. She tells you she wants the salvage the friendship (if she really did) and spend time with me, you pull the ol “I’m finna go and sucks for her being alone on NYE at your moms but I wanna spend time.” Hmmmm… but ya’ll talk all day while she at work, all morning, and all night most nights. And if this is your future wife, then you would have already sent for her, a few times…correct? Nice timing to when she said she was going to spend time with me, you pulled the guilt trip…again. Surprised I’m still here huh? Your plan had me wedged out by when Nafisa? Summer’s end? End of 2011? I know you want complete dominance, that’s as clear as day, and I’m your stumbling block. I’m no fool. 100% control over Jess. Admit it (not necessarily aloud) but you saw what you could milk out of the girl a mile away huh? You’re a pimp in a sense. You got mind control over the girl. Now you on your divide and conquer crusade. Oh, me as the best friend, sounds nice, but you want me to be seen, not heard, emotionless…voiceless. What am I…an ornament…a prop..a knick knack? I have feelings and opinions like any person. If I am being wronged, with no remorse, heartfelt apologies, continuous lies, etc… Hell yeah I’m going to speak on it, especially since the essence of you has emerged in her personality, or in other words you have not brought out the best in her. That’s not looking out for Jess though is it? That’s you looking out for…oh surprise, you….again. If you are for her, then you would let it emerge how it was supposed to and heal how it needs to (and that’s on Jess too).Our relationship hasn’t even taken flight since my arrival. That’s on Jess, no doubt. But she got a little help too. You should also respect she had a life before you, with you, and will have one after you. That email was pretty much a “roll over, shut the f.ck up, die and take it” theme eh? Just with nicer words. Cute. And how did you hustle that? I mean if you need something out of someone’s email, then get that thing and get the fuck out. You, of course, take advantage, rummage through, send me a message, “I sent her a message, I was nice”— like you doing me a favor— in hopes of what? Put me in my place? Trying show you are the alpha dog? Show that you actually care about what’s going on, even though not a one of ya’ll is the victim? To convince me that all this is is harmless love? Aaaaand further confirmation of your “I don’t give a f…. about no one but me” attitude. Did you ask Jess? Relay a message to me? You HAD to think I was slow or beneath you or something for you to come at me the way you did. You can fool a few, I know you got some minions and you’re used to getting your way. Well here I am… here you go…
Surprised we are going to live together. Shouldn’t be, if she truly told you from the giddy up that was our goal. So…I’m waiting on your hustle because you never fail. It’s like clockwork. Now what? You’re gonna have a crippling disease (which I don’t wish) that only gives you moments to live and you have to get Jess over to Africa quick and marry as your dying wish? What’s your hustle for the pull away? I’m waiting on something grand.
“I deserve a perfect love”… who don’t!! Do I not? You’re not the only one in this world nor the only person in Jess’ life. Love is something that even the most evil crave at least once. But I love how you said “I”, and not “We”. hmmm… because it’s all about you right? Who hurt you so bad that lead you here?
Hmmm…and you actually have a problem with me. Excuse the language, but what the fuck for? You’re spoiled!!!! You’re getting mostly everything right? So that ass, when deciding to come to me, should be humbled, correct? Who got her card and money for real? Really? Disappear the day she was coming home? Was it another hustle of yours to make her stay? Did ya’ll spend the money and make a fool of me yet again? Shocked that even though she raped me in the anus raw since meeting you, that I’m still loyal and got her back and got her home, even though I know the same action wouldn’t be returned. Baffles her (myself too) and annoys you..right? Because you know, if you were in my position, for even a day, you would’ve left a loooooong time ago. The way I treat her? Jess has not had to lift a finger since I’ve been here. She’s spoiled as well. The promises I’ve made her, I’ve kept everyone because she know, to her advantage, my word is law. I’m not wired for evil. Me “stealing” her stuff had nothing to do with a personal gain, financially or otherwise. I didn’t touch what you gave her, her clothes, her guitars, her finances, nothing. I messed with her livelihood, the things that distract her from the real. See, know the whole story before you formulate anything. Get some backstory on her supposed angst, cause and effects. She wasn’t surprised. I told her what I did. She been messing with mine, so let me giver her a taste of her. It was exhausting. I don’t see how a person can do that day in and day out. How do ya’ll do it? It was just material. She got that stuff back in less than 24hrs. Livelihood restored. Me getting loud in her moms house…hmmm….you didn’t catch her having phone sex or she cop an attitude with you for no reason or playing me against another woman or disappear into the thin of night to plan a trip that wasn’t supposed to exist or any other hustle you may have taught… and I wasn’t loud. If I do get loud, it’s been a long time coming. Jess knew I was a molotav cocktail at that moment. You haven’t been pushed for months, I have. She knew she messed up, so she already grabbed her shoes and headed out. I will not wake ma up in her house. She cry to you frustrated…really? Ya’ll both tired of crying…really? THEN QUIT FUCKING PEOPLE OVER that actually matter. Think THEN act, not act and be oblivious to reactions. Does she tell you EVERYTHING, the real story? Of course not. She’s going to tell you enough to ease her conscious, and she’s also going to tell you enough to make herself look good, the victim even. Editted severely. She learned that from you? So your problem with me is actually you. And you don’t want to know the gritty, do you? Jess’ influence by you have been the catalyst for all of our strain. Jess knows my instincts and observational skills. I knew to the minute when she lost her virginity, when her ma was getting on her nerves and she needed to vent, when she was sick, when she was spending intimate time with past suitors, bad/good dreams, and anything else. I know her quirks and mannerisms, changes in tone, body language. I know when she lying, mad, sad, nervous, elated, sick, tired, happy, shocked, scared, crushing, aroused, etc…Each other’s strength, kept each other sharp, and honesty was commonplace. We used to call ourselves the wonder twins because we finished each other’s thoughts and sentences, cry together, laugh all the time, fall asleep on the phone, sing/butcher songs, vent, whatever. Sound familiar huh? One thing though, I never, and she can vouch for that, used or exploited her. I know her weaknesses and strengths and I protect both if I’m allowed. Even me coming here was for her, not my gain, except for peace. You want me to keep the peace? What chaos am I causing? You and her can sleep well at night correct. You nor her hair is not falling out, have an ulcer, lost 4 sizes, don’t sleep, have nightmares if you do sleep, nor eat because the rug is pulled from under you daily. The backing I am trying to help her with don’t benefit me but will enrich her life. Jess is also learning that she can’t bullshit me, and I for damn sure won’t let her jive herself. That’s her true frustration. Ya’ll can talk that earth, moon, comet, shooting stars, or whatever celestial body stuff all day and live in fantasy and twitterland, bullshit each other, but the reality, my dear, is alive and in your face, and not pretty. You both think that shitting, pissing, spitting, and running over other people supposed to come with no reaction, karma, or discipline? To f.ck over a person’s mental, stability, and emotions for ego, I’m shocked that the both of you have not been assaulted yet. Count your lucky stars, both of you, everyday that you live unscathed. She’s so guilt riddled that she apologize to me in her sleep, at least 2 or 3 times a night sometimes? Even her subconscious know, this is messy, but ya’ll tryna fool yourselves otherwise. Nice try….
“She lies but I love her…she always tells me the truth” — Which one? You HOPE she is, just like I can only hope she’s not lying to me. Note - you know “Kinah”, I know Jess. She’s going to lie because she’s living a minimum of two lives that don’t mesh. And you don’t know what’s said, done, or discussed on this side.
I take no one in my life for granted. I just want what I give out. Love, loyalty, trust are things I don’t hand to everyone. Jess was my blueprint for what a friendship should be, hence why she became bestest. And she knows, when it comes to intimacy, I’m not casual with that either. To see her read the same script to you that she’s done to me..hmmm interesting. I didn’t mess her over, yet both of you want me to be quiet, grin, and bear it. That make sense to you? I do think you are marred with ego, hurt, low self esteem (hence all the titles = validation), and a dash of evil, or “Imma screw you before you can screw me” mentality. Okay, I’m lying…a whole lot of evil!!! Maybe it’s scorn…idk.
Maybe if I met you at another time or in another circumstance, I could appreciate whatever goodness you hold. We’re about the same age, painters, come from the outskirts of a major city, lovers of all things natural, and no telling what other similarities. Right now…nah. I just don’t see it in you, not to the core at least. It’s a thin veil. Thank you, at least, for allowing her to spend my birthday day with me because I know ya’ll talked all night, of course. I was waiting for a hustle. Thank you for allowing her to kinda disconnect from her 3rd hand = phone. You’re so kind….?
You don’t owe me nothing, clearly. I don’t think you’re capable of doing anything for anybody without an ulterior motive anyway. Be careful though, how you receive/capture things. Any and everybody is a bad mother f.,cker on the computer. What are you in person though? Whatever lies/labels you’ve concocted you have to live it to make yourself seem valid. That’s what Jess is battling. Lie to cover the lie to cover the lie to cover and so forth. Labels (which never impressed me anyway) falling apart before her eyes. What I loved about her, what I love about anyone, is their soul and humaness. Beautifully genuine she was. physical, age, nationality, religion, occupation, gender means nothing to me. Words can be beautiful, but mean nothing if you don’t live it.
Well…. Peace, once you recognize the reality of the path you’ve lead, and your true blessing(s) will follow suit. I don’t wish ill on you. If the Africa trip happens, soar safely, land easy, enjoy the beautiful scenery, admire the sea of sun kissed follicles and flesh, and good luck.
The results of this email:
-Get dramatic with Jess and make me out to be a bully
-Make her feel guilty for whatever reason to talk to you all day. Cap it off with phone sex/pics and tell each other how perfect the other one is all day.
-Regret for emailing me in the 1st place
You know something to make yourself harmless and worthy of all day attention. Meh… I’m prepared.
When they asked me what I loved most about life, I smiled and said you.
Love is like a butterfly, it settles upon you when you least expect it- unknown